Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Taking Charge

Last night I did some more reading on the Life Skill (Dr. Ranae Johnson) of Choice and Accountability.  I have to admit that I have never studied these fully; I am using 'Thought"full"ness' as my teacher so I may make a few mistakes along the way.  I realized that yesterday when I wrote about being accountable, I used the analogies of action leading to consequence, but as I read last night and thought about what I was reading, I realized something different about "accountability".  

"Accountability involves claiming your own power and using your own wisdom to create even better results in life.  Accountability enables you to take charge of your thoughts, feelings, and actions regardless of the actions of others."----Dr. Ranae Johnson (I hadn't been giving Ranae the honor of her degree before and she earned that.)  So in relating the story yesterday of the twins who were separated because of an abusive homelife and were reunited to find that they had each made different choices in their lives to give them different outcomes, showing that they were products of their choices rather than their circumstances.  They were each accountable for their outcomes. 

I am accountable for my thoughts, feelings and actions no matter what is going on around me.  Remember the old saying, "the devil made me do it"?  Well, the devil may tempt me, but he cannot make me do anything; I am in charge of my actions; we all are.  And as Dr. Johnson said, we need to "claim our own power" ; it is ours ; not our children's when they won't mind us, or our husband's when we disagree with him, or even someone else who might have insulted us.  No one can take our power; we give it away freely.  

When we become aware of our "excuses" to give our power away, we will have "aha" moments (I love lightbulb moments!)  These are a few "excuses" we give for not being accountable for our choices - these may occur consciously or unconsciously (taken out of the Life Skills manual):
"I HAD NO CHOICE" (we always have a choice even though we may not like its consequence)
"I HAD NO CONTROL" (good example of this; a couple in the middle of a heated arguement, harsh words flying and the phone rings: it's the pastor(or could be anyone).  Notice how the voice tone changes as the partner calmly and pleasantly chats on the phone.  When the phone conversation ends, the screaming resumes and they're again 'out of control' But really out of control?  This behavior commands control and uses anger as a power tool.)
"I'LL TRY" (this is a non-accountable response.  It creates confusion and tension in relationships and discounts the credibility of the speaker.  It is a lie.)
                    I love Yoda's saying,  "There is no try, there is only do."
"IF....., THEN...."  (places conditions between us and our goals.  example: we say, "if you do this, then I will trust you." We set up hoops for people to jump through and after they do this then do we trust them?  
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT" (when we blame others we prevent ourselves from learning)
"I DON'T HAVE TIME" (of course you have time, in fact, each of us has exactly the same 24 hours in a day.  How we choose to spend our time is the issue.)

It's time for me to really look at my life and see which of these (and there were a few others) that I use in my everyday life.  If we do not really look and "see" then we will stay the same, and do I like the life that I am creating?

"Are you placing the responsibility on others to create your life's experience?  You may be setting yourself up for a series of disappointments.  In the grand scheme of things, not many people will commit to fulfilling your needs over theirs.  Seldom do you exceed your self-expectations.  When you take charge of your thoughts, feelings, and actions, life becomes an adventure in learning." 
                                                                                                          ---Dr. Ranae Johnson

                        (FROM THE BOOK, HOW TO BE HAPPY, dammit written by Karen Salmansohn )
                                                                            ! WARNING
                                                  You think about 60,000
                                                  thoughts a day.  It's up to you
                                                  to make sure that you don't
                                                  use up 59,999 of them with
                                                  negative, cynical thinking.

No comments:

Post a Comment