I've blogged this week about "What Do You Want", "How's Your Mood Working for You", and then about "De-Cluttering". I thought those posts were fine, but one evening (the evening I spoke of a few days back where I wanted to just go to bed at 7:00pm) and give it all up (with no visible reason for my "defeated" feeling), I sat down and thought about all of those topics and wondered if I have just been "scratching the surface" and not really digging deeply enough. I've thought and worked on different issues for several years now and frankly, I'm tired of staying on the top; I'm ready to delve in!
I have thought alot about "happiness" and what that means. I blogged about asking myself, "what makes me happy" each day and even started a Happiness Journal, but it just doesn't feel quite right.
I have a quote hanging in my office that reads,
"Happiness is not a destination you arrive at, but a manner of traveling."
So for me, happiness is (or needs to be) an attitude to maintain with choices made each day that will keep "the happiness train" rolling on.
In order for me to know what makes me happy, I felt that first, I needed to make a list (I must love list-making!) of what I really want in life. Making this list was quite emotional for me; I actually felt the emotion of having the things I listed, and it felt amazing. (In writing this down on paper the other evening, my "blah" and "defeated" mood changed to one of hope and happiness; funny how that works, huh?) My "What I Want" list became more than just a list to check off; it became "me". In order for this list to be "whole" I felt that it needed to include some specifics and not just general wants. I'll list a few as an example (without getting too personal): *I want the ability to take responsibility for my moods, thoughts, and actions, allowing others to own theirs; realizing that it only matters what I do. *I want a career that's fulfilling and flexible; one that I can use my creativity and am able to help others see how amazing they are. *I want to be able to travel to see my family & friends as well as to see parts of the country (& maybe even the world) that I've never been to. * I want the desire and ability to get a good nights' sleep. * I want the quality of enduring with joy; of being diligent without "giving up" when I'm just not "feeling it". *I want to always see the positive in people and to be optimistic. *I want clear ideas and then plain words to convey those ideas. *I want to be able to learn from mistakes and then choose to change. *I want to do what's right even when it's not convenient. *I want to feel an "easy" flow to my life; like a puzzle coming together piece by piece. * I want courage to pursue my interests (photography, life coaching, interior design). I think you get the idea from this short list; my list was at least a page long and I'm sure I can add to that as I am inspired with new ideas.
I just think when I posted "what do you want" (a few days ago) it was so "surface" and just checking off some kind of "to-do" list and that really bothered me. If we (or rather, I) am to learn and improve then I need to dig a little deeper if I want to create a life that I love even more than the one I have now. I can honestly say that I am happy and as I want to maintain that attitude, I will make choices that continually promote that emotion; it's all a choice.
There are some days when I go back and re-read a post and feel that it might not be "quite right". I am just trying to figure this all out and maybe, just maybe, it's coming together like "the puzzle" of my life. So please bear with me as I make changes and amendments; I really do want to get it "just right".