I have had so many thoughts going through my head today; it's sometimes difficult for me to "sort them out" and to make sense of them to anyone else but me. I will try and make sense of them and hope they give you pause to think and please add to them, if you like.
It's been a wonderful Sabbath that started with a phone call to a dear, dear friend who has made a tremendous impact in my life. She has a daughter-in-law dying of cancer; we all have hope and haven't given up, but it doesn't look good and she is being moved to hospice tomorrow morning. It was a sweet experience being able to cry with my friend; I so wanted to reach out and hug her; we had to settle for an unspoken hug and understanding that I am here for her (I wish I could be "there" for her).
I have been thinking quite a bit during the past few days about death and how it would feel for it to really be my last day here in my physical body. I have thought about and have quoted others about living like it's your last day, etc.... Well, in the middle of the night (a few nights ago) I actually had a little bit of a scare with some chest pains that lasted for a few hours. I couldn't believe it might be happening to me; a heart attack? I didn't want to believe it could be; so after I got on my knees, I just laid on the couch and concentrated on my breathing( I wasn't having difficulty breathing), and by the time the pains stopped it was daylight and don't things look so much better in the light of day?
During the time of my chest pains I wasn't comfortable with the thought of that being my last day; what had I done that day and who had I talked to? Did my husband and children and grandchildren and friends know that I really loved them? What have I done with my life and was I ready to see my Savior? I have to say that I felt a little panicky and if I could have postponed death, that would have been the day! (I'm afraid that doesn't say much about me; I certainly was scared).
I love Sundays and the opportunity I have to "rest from the cares of the world" and to think a little more on the Savior and my relationship with him. At Church today, one of the speakers spoke about being "anchored in the world or anchored in the Savior". In my mind I'm seeing a large anchor and having it chained either around the world (or worldly things) or around Jesus Christ ( and all that that includes). It is definately another thought for me to ponder. I would automatically choose the Savior, but do my actions follow those thoughts and choices? I don't know, but now that it has come to my attention (and in a big way) I think I will be more conscious of my thoughts and actions.
As for my "panic" about leaving this mortal life right now? I know how to "fix" that and who to look to for that comfort and peace.
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27